Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.
If you ever forget someone’s name, take them to Starbucks.
I’ll be wearing all black the first day of classes to mourn the death of my social life.
Wine is to women as duct tape is to men, it fixes everything.
I’m not single… I’m in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend lives in the future.
Saw an old roomie, I waved and she flipped me off. I guess she’s still mad I put her dogs poop under her bed.
Happy National “Hear-Fireworks-All-Day-and-Night-Being-Set-Off-by-Drunk-People-You-Wouldn’t-Trust-with a-Glowstick” Day!
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
SHOUT-OUT TO LUKE BRYAN FOR BEING … LUKE BRYAN #9Days
Big congrats to everyone graduating out there! #EMAW4LIFE
Tired isn’t even a feeling for me anymore; it’s become a personality trait.
I’ve always wanted to turn around in a big chair and say “I’ve been expecting you.”
I don’t let my children watch symphonies, too much sax and violins. It leads to treble.
You know why I love summer in MHK? I CAN PARK ANYWHERE!
Why do parents name their children weird names. They aren’t a dog or a cat. #dumb
Someone tell my roommate to chew with his mouth closed!
Yes, there are a few people still around from combatives. I was in the class after yours.
Where is the kitten event? Puppies are cute and all, but I want kittens. Meow!